Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
