I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
