if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
