you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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