your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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