I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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