No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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