I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
