There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
