The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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