I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
