new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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