Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
