My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
