I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
