Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
