I want to have your abortion
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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