i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
