this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
