Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
