she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
