Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
