i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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