my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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