I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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