When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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