Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
