so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
