I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
