don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
