You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
