I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
