I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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