When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
