My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
