now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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