be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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