how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
