$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
