You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
