Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
