Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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