My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
