OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
