you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
