Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Text me some of your sweat
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
