I wish they made helmets for livers.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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