it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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