I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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