he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
